grumble grumble…says the anxiety in my belly.
Today was the hardest day of being a Father to date. Today, I have become emotionally wounded by the events that occurred below. In no way was the great staff at our daycare responsible, but man, if it was going to go wrong, today was the day for me.
I will say that I was prepared. I was running through my head over and over that I was going to be able to walk away and trust in Gus’s ability to handle interaction outside the family circle. I knew it was going to be hard. I knew it was going to be emotional. What I didn’t account for was the ratio of worse case scenarios versus preparation versus coincidence versus me.
Let’s say that 100 kids get dropped off at day care for the first time. 50% of the kids cry, parents cry, everything is fine. 49% of the kids cry, parents cry, everything is ‘OK’. 1% of the kids cry, parents cry and every small thing seems to just make it all worse.
Well, today…I was the 1%. Dropping Gus off a bit early snapped me in the face right off the bat and left me in a state of uncertainty. When we arrived, we entertained him for a bit, gave the wave ‘bye-bye’ and snuck out to the office area to finalize registration. To my demise we were just early enough that we had to wait for the attendant to arrive. It was only 5-10 minutes but after about the first 60 seconds we began to hear what I can only describe as scream crying. ‘I want my dadaaaaa….’ came echoing down the hall. I look at Whitney and we both recognize the cry for help. My heart dropped and all I heard was a low bass in my ears. Wait. I wasn’t prepared for this…
After a solid seven minutes of echoing hysteria right outside the door I could no longer take it. I was torn from ‘saving the day’ and rescuing Gus with a shiny, super smile or sit listening to my heart get pounded into a paralyzed mush. I got up…and walked out the front door.
After a minute or two, I saw our admin arrive and came back in to fill out the paperwork. I wasn’t really trying to hide anything but I wasn’t sure what to expect next. My entire day was shot at this point and I really couldn’t find motivation throughout the day. The day was spent with the starch memory of Gus crying out for me. ugh.
Needless to say, I went to pick him up early and he was fine. A little shook up, a little disheveled…but he was fine. Dada is happy… phew….
Tomorrow is another day.